I took a super sweet nap today. Actually I took two naps, but the first one was more of a going back to bed. The second one was perfect: a cool breeze coming through the window making it just the right temperature to snuggle under the blankets, dog by my side. I even dreamed I met Bette Midler!
I woke up thinking “What a great nap! Life is grand.” Then I glanced out the window and saw my neighbor dressed up and taking out the trash before going out with his wife. And I had a twinge of sadness. Not so much the going out but the someone to make plans with if I did want to go out. Plus someone to take out the trash. But more the someone to make plans with.
Then I thought about the nap again and was content.
But this is a growing concern of mine. I take so much pleasure in my independent joys, I worry I could never really be comfortable and happy sharing life with someone else, yet I’m so lonely so much of the time. (As I may have said before here) the farther I get away from a relationship the harder it will get. I don’t really think I want to live a life of constant low-grade loneliness/increasing social anxiety but what other options do I have? And the naps are so very good…