What I Really Meant to Say

…was I’m scared.

Writing is scary because it has feelings and judgement.

If I write people will be able to see things about me and know what I care about and how I feel.

And that’s Scary.

The best way I’ve gotten around that is being self-deprecating, which is funny and not all bad but also not really real. Even talking about wanting to write is scary because it reveals something. It reveals real dreams and goals that aren’t happening and why?

Because of me. Either I’m not trying or I’m not good enough but either way it’s on me.

But if I never reveal anything–writing or otherwise–will I ever really feel settled and fulfilled? The fear of judgement keeps me from so many things. My other hobbies are weird/quirky but they’re things I put fractured time into, not my whole self, so it’s ok to joke about them being weird.

Writing is time, and emotional energy, and feelings, and truth, and if they’re not accepted how can I be accepted?

 

(5 minute prompt)

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