No! You may not see me!

Because no one asking to see me over the internet is a person who actually knows me. Anyone I want to see me doesn’t need to weirdly ask permission because I’ve already been sending them unlimited snapchat funny face screenshots.

This is a new phenomenon in the past 6 months. Maybe it’s our selfie world. But it’s not enough to just know what someone looks like, guys want to see you constantly.

Oh we exchanged numbers and are bantering…may I see you?

Obviously no because it’s Saturday at 3pm and I’m still in my pjs with a cheeto beard, but also you know what I look like!

Great, you sent me a picture of you laying on the couch. That does nothing for me and is not convincing.

Weirder still is the guys on snapchat who message me out of nowhere. (Yes I know my account should be private.)

This guy came through yesterday. Thinks we met on okc/bumble/tinder.

We didn’t.

I tell him we don’t know each other, thanks for playing.

“May I see you?”

(It’s always phrased exactly that way too. The creepiest way.)

Ok, I get if you’re trying to get me to board the train to Dickpicville, and good for you if it works out sometimes.

But if I say no, why do you want to keep talking to me? If I tell you I don’t want to talk, why do you ignore me and keep making chit chat? Is this some weird kink I don’t know about?

On second thought, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.