More and more as I’m on dates, there’s a part of me that thinks “I’d just assume be doing this alone.” The date gets me out of the house but probability says it’s not going to work out. And somehow I’m constantly surprised by the ways in which it won’t work out. Options for red flags are never ending.

Tonight:

Started out great! He was interested in an outing that I hadn’t gotten any friends to agree to. We met up and he was cute and smelled good (an underrated bonus) and conversation was flowing, even though he was allergic to the sun*, my most beloved companion. Unfortunately it flowed right into whether or not it was appropriate to use certain derogatory terms that were ok 20 years ago. He felt it was ok and explained that opinion in a way I understood, until he kept saying the words over and over.

Guys: as a rule, don’t use any potentially offensive words until date 2.

Next taboo topic was religion, another thing he had very strong, repetitive ideas on, many of which happened to attack my own beliefs.

Guys: don’t criticize religion or any other major beliefs until you know your date’s stance.

These things were in the back of my head but otherwise it was all continuing to go well. Then it came time to get another drink and he started saying things like “hey, I’m going to get a drink, but don’t feel like you have to stay.”

What?

I guess since we weren’t somewhere like dinner with a definitive end point this was reasonable?

Anyway, we hung out until after 12, at which point I decided to go home (which I had foreshadowed since I had to work the next day). So we go out to get cabs and he hangs back. “Oh I’ve been texting some friends to meet up so they’re going to come get me.”

Dude, have the decency to pretend you didn’t spend the night working on backup plans to me.

As I often do after weird dates like this, I feel even more confident in my awesomeness (I’m good at conversation! I have varied, unusual interests! I’m fun!) and even more sad there’s no one to match my awesomeness.

*When I hear something that will 100% not mesh with my lifestyle, like not liking the sun, my instinct is to rationalize why it won’t be a problem. The question is, should I be compromising more on things like this? And is that why I haven’t found anyone? Or is it bs to need to change my life to accommodate someone else. How does anyone survive in a couple with anyone else?!