ok cupid

No

no no no no no

 

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why is this a thing! and why is this not the first time I’ve gotten a message like this!?

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Ok readers. (Reader?).

I need to solve a debate here.

I have made clear before in this space that I refuse to follow weird rules about asking questions and following conversation protocol with online acquaintances. But I hit a snag in this realm with a guy I thought was a normy, and now it’s sounding like I could be in the wrong.

What gives???

Here’s the deal. Had an enjoyable date with Guy on Wednesday. He suggested meeting near my place, which won him a million points right off the bat, then he proceeded to pick my fave bar. Up two million points. Had several drinks, some fun banter, and a front-seat make out. Seemed like another date was a lock.

Fast forward to Thursday afternoon. He texts “Hey, we’re short a person for softball tonight and thought I’d see if you’re interested since we talked about it last night.”

I responded “I can’t go tonight but thanks for thinking of me!” and waited for the invite to a real date.

I didn’t suggest other plans.

Know why?

He wasn’t asking me out! He was asking me something you’d ask your neighbor you run into taking out the trash! There was nothing to respond with unless I had an empty seat at book club. [side note: this isn’t a socially awkward guy who doesn’t know how to ask someone out]

Fast forward again until today when I texted “hi, how was your weekend, haven’t heard from you [winky tongue out face]”

His response: “I thought it was polite and customary that if someone asks you out, and you cannot make it, you counter offer with another time that you can make it.”

fuck.

that.

I thought it was customary that guys grow a pair after age 30.

If your idea of a 2nd date is joining your company softball team, we are not well matched. If you can’t recover from a girl being mediocre at texting, we are not well matched.

But from the 2 guys I’ve surveyed, apparently I’m totally in the wrong here. If he had asked me to dinner, a movie, the park, anything that wasn’t a last-minute technicality outing, I’d say “I can’t but maybe this weekend?” or something along those lines. But this is not a date.

So what do you think? Am I right? Or is it becoming more and more clear why I don’t have many second dates?

Two winners in one week!

A) am I a bad person because I sometimes just mess with dating people for my own amusement?

B) This escalated quickly.

C) Soo I kinda want to see what he meant? My next comment was “seriously?!” and he didn’t respond. $1000 could buy a lot of ice cream. And when I say hook up I mean like make out in the parking lot of a Dave Matthews concert…is that not what it means anymore?
D) Someone said cops hang out on dating sites looking for hookers. Is that true? If it’s true, do they target people whose profile is 3/5 dog pics? I will not be pleased if I made it to my 30s without being arrested and a online hooker sting is what takes me down.

Halfway to Invisible

I don’t even know what to say about this dialogue. Should I have ignored this guy since he was an ass from the get go (even in his profile)? Probably. Did I go out of my way to be kind to him? No. Is it my duty as a women to go out of my way to be kind to every guy who says hi to me through the interwebs? Apparently it is, and the rest of my life will be a struggle because of my refusal to do so.

PS: This guy is 15 years older than me and lives over an hour away.

Him: I would love to talk with you about […] and why you prefer the company of your dog over most people Sent from the OkCupid app June 3

Him: But it looks like you don’t want to…. Which is also ok Sent from the OkCupid app June 3

Me: I just hadn’t gotten a chance to respond, but your impatience makes me lose interest in chatting.

Him: I just noticed that you read and didn’t respond. It was an observation, not impatience. Had it been me, I would have responded “read your message, I’m busy right now but I’ll get back to you soon”. Every body handles things in their own way Sent from the OkCupid app June 3

Me: I’ve just noticed that guys will send a message, check visitors, and if they see I’ve looked but not responded within a few hours they’ll write back something pointed. Maybe I checked at a red light, maybe I checked at work and got called away. Regardless, it’s a turn off to immediately question me like that. Sent from the OkCupid app June 3

Him: People ask questions. Sorry if you’re turned off. That’s an over reaction to me

Him: If you react that harshly over the smallest things…. I can’t imagine how you’d react if something important happened. Sent from the OkCupid app June 4

Me: It happens constantly–as in several times a week–that I get a passive aggressive or aggressive message in this situation, and it shows a level of self absorption I’m not interested in. Sent from the OkCupid app June 4

Him: Sometimes an observation is an observation. And sometimes people just want to close the loop. Sent from the OkCupid app June 4

Me: Ok. I’m going to focus on the beach now. I love the beach. [as a dig at his comment that people shouldn’t put loving the beach in their profiles.]

Him: Can we meet before you go? Sent from the OkCupid app 1:37am

Me: eh

Him: Eh? Sent from the OkCupid app 10:27am

Him: Wth is eh? Sent from the OkCupid app 10:28am

Me: Eh is I’m not interested

Him: Ya know… You could at least be polite, since you’re obviously kindness challenged. But it makes me laugh. Your already halfway to invisible and you’ve learned nothing. I wish you the best. It doesn’t get easier for women like you. Sent from the OkCupid app 11:56am

Me: You’ve questioned me since the very first message you sent, and I have shared that I did not care for your responses. I am not invisible or unkind to the literally dozens of people I encounter each day with whom I actually have relationships. I don’t need to spend my time stroking the ego of strangers on the internet. But thanks for the snap assessment of my entire being. I’m sure you’re a treat in person.

Closed for Business

Remember the good old days where you’d sign up for a dating profile so a member of the opposite sex could judge you based on appearance alone and then invite you out to buy your own drink and decide if you want to make out with him?

Well, no more. Now you need to also navigate their open relationship with them.

Open relationships are relatively common online (more common that correctly spelling you’re, less common than looking for “a girl who looks great dressed up but can also hang out on the couch lol”).

This is fine.

It is also fine for me to say “no thank you, I don’t want to be involved.”

No, I don’t have any questions about the lifestyle. Really, I’m not curious, and I don’t care that your wife is totally on board. I don’t want to know how it works for you two, or how fulfilled I’d be.

It’s great that you’re happy, but it doesn’t require a dissertation. You’re trying to bone two people. The end.

I can barely find time for my naps and snacks in the same afternoon, I’m not trying to navigate you and your wife.

HELP

GUYS MY OKCUPID ISN’T WORKING!! I HAVEN’T HAD A VISITOR SINCE MARCH 18! EVERY SECOND THAT PASSES IS A MISSED CHANCE AT LOVE!

seriously though wth.

I emailed them with no response yet. And I swear I’m not just being conceited assuming it’s impossible 10 days passed without someone visiting me–my friend searched and couldn’t find me.

Granted I haven’t gone out with anyone from okc in 6+ months, but I just tweaked my profile and really thought the tide would turn! What do I do! How will love find me!?

Pre Date

Date night y’all!

(why do I keep saying y’all. i’m not from the south. too much FNL)

Obviously I don’t want to go. There is netflix to watch. But it’s “something to do” and “good to get out.” I can’t really tell if this guy is cute but I anticipate from the pics that he’s scrawny but maybe fun.

Still, it is fun to get dressed up and all. And there have been good first dates…the bad ones just stand out so much more.

Post date report tomorrow!

A Monday OKC treat

This guy has been creepily messaging me on and off for a year. I believe we sent a few messages but never made plans to go out, and then it started to get weird, like if I disabled my account then came back, within minutes I’d have a “hey you’re back!” message from him. [Also, he requests people under 4’9″ not message him. Is there really that much of a issue with very short people contacting you that you need to explicitly discourage them?]

He’s continued to come and go with different profile names every few weeks sending equally creepy and over-familiar messages to which I did not respond. And today:

hey stranger… hope things are well and you’re surviving this winter! wondering if you’d like to go out with me and a girl I met here on OKC?

No!! NO! I don’t want to speak to you let alone get sucked into you weird group sex life.

So between this and yesterday’s post, my question: is online dating this weird for guys too? Yes, it’s an inherently weird endeavor, but I just can’t imagine guys getting the same low-level harassment from girls. Even the guys who “aren’t creepy” use it to their advantage by promising not to be creepy since they “know how tough it is for girls on here.” (Unfortunately this medium also brings out guys with the worst social skills.) The only time I get feministy is when dealing with this, but where else can I go for love?!

 

Sundays with OkCupid

  • Harassed if you do, harassed if you don’t….
    [From a guy 12 years older and 304 miles away]
    Hey there 😉 so i won’t waste your time and I will be honest. I am a sweet, fun and down to earth guy. I think we have a good bit in common and would get along nicely. So it wouldn’t hurt for you to message me and see where goes. So if you like what you see message me;)
    Your very pretty :). So what are you looking for
    You like Italians ;)???
    [after 3 no responses he’s not deterred, so:]
    Me: …no
    Him: Ok then well i tried. Considerably your loss
    Me: I’ll just comfort myself with my ability to spell things correctly
    Him: WOW Get over yourself
     
    Him: No wonder your single
    Obviously I’m the one with something wrong…
    Honestly is definitely not the best policy in this situation…
    While all of this sounds great it comes with a catch. To be perfectly honest — despite all of the above I feel like I’m a bit of train wreck right now. I’ve been divorced for about two years and and have kind of let myself go — both physically and when it comes to my social life — and have become pretty kind of down about it at times. Rather than go out and do things I’ve been hibernating at home all winter which has only made things worse.
    …um no thanks
    Again, I’m the weirdo…
    [After 3 ignored messages]
    I know I know. Im married. Guess u dont like bad boys
    Me: Cheating on your wife doesn’t equal bad boy, it equals asshole.
    Him: True that. Thanks for the reminder.
    As much as I liked married Catholic “sexy” cops from other states, I think I dodged a bullet there.