Ok readers. (Reader?).
I need to solve a debate here.
I have made clear before in this space that I refuse to follow weird rules about asking questions and following conversation protocol with online acquaintances. But I hit a snag in this realm with a guy I thought was a normy, and now it’s sounding like I could be in the wrong.
Here’s the deal. Had an enjoyable date with Guy on Wednesday. He suggested meeting near my place, which won him a million points right off the bat, then he proceeded to pick my fave bar. Up two million points. Had several drinks, some fun banter, and a front-seat make out. Seemed like another date was a lock.
Fast forward to Thursday afternoon. He texts “Hey, we’re short a person for softball tonight and thought I’d see if you’re interested since we talked about it last night.”
I responded “I can’t go tonight but thanks for thinking of me!” and waited for the invite to a real date.
I didn’t suggest other plans.
He wasn’t asking me out! He was asking me something you’d ask your neighbor you run into taking out the trash! There was nothing to respond with unless I had an empty seat at book club. [side note: this isn’t a socially awkward guy who doesn’t know how to ask someone out]
Fast forward again until today when I texted “hi, how was your weekend, haven’t heard from you [winky tongue out face]”
His response: “I thought it was polite and customary that if someone asks you out, and you cannot make it, you counter offer with another time that you can make it.”
I thought it was customary that guys grow a pair after age 30.
If your idea of a 2nd date is joining your company softball team, we are not well matched. If you can’t recover from a girl being mediocre at texting, we are not well matched.
But from the 2 guys I’ve surveyed, apparently I’m totally in the wrong here. If he had asked me to dinner, a movie, the park, anything that wasn’t a last-minute technicality outing, I’d say “I can’t but maybe this weekend?” or something along those lines. But this is not a date.
So what do you think? Am I right? Or is it becoming more and more clear why I don’t have many second dates?
2 thoughts on “Customs”
I think you’re right, but I also don’t get many second “dates” because of the exact same reason…it seems that asking for non-date dates is a thing now??
Interesting. I thought I’d give him the benefit of the doubt and tried to be cutesy about it, but no second date, and no response several days later when I suggested a plan. If this is really going to be his dealbreaker vs a misunderstanding then it definitely wouldn’t work.
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