Dear Eharmony:

Are you for real?

He's just outside your match preferences!

He’s just outside your match preferences!

HE LIVES IN WISCONSIN.

It would only cost $474 and/or 11 hours of my life to have our first date.

It would only cost $474 and/or 11 hours of my life to have our first date.

That’s over 674 miles outside my match preferences.

And you know why we’re such a great match? Because we both like sports, and music, and books, and dogs. I bet he also likes breathing and food. (Nothing against you personally, Andrew, I’m sure you’re a swell guy and would make an actual great match for someone within 100 miles of your home.)

The only reason I signed up for eharm was because I saw a great deal during an especially low (aka drunk) point in my evening and thought who can put a price tag on love. I’ve decided it’s not so much the high cost that makes eharm the worst but the love shaming they put you through. I got 10 new matches today; 6 of them are “great matches that happen to be just outside my settings.” Then there’s the “what if” section with more great matches just outside my settings. It should be called the “if you really wanted to find love you’d be less picky” section or the “are you sure you’re really putting yourself out there?” section.

Thanks, but I don’t need the internet to remind me I’m alone along with everyone else.