Pre Date

Date night y’all!

(why do I keep saying y’all. i’m not from the south. too much FNL)

Obviously I don’t want to go. There is netflix to watch. But it’s “something to do” and “good to get out.” I can’t really tell if this guy is cute but I anticipate from the pics that he’s scrawny but maybe fun.

Still, it is fun to get dressed up and all. And there have been good first dates…the bad ones just stand out so much more.

Post date report tomorrow!

A Monday OKC treat

This guy has been creepily messaging me on and off for a year. I believe we sent a few messages but never made plans to go out, and then it started to get weird, like if I disabled my account then came back, within minutes I’d have a “hey you’re back!” message from him. [Also, he requests people under 4’9″ not message him. Is there really that much of a issue with very short people contacting you that you need to explicitly discourage them?]

He’s continued to come and go with different profile names every few weeks sending equally creepy and over-familiar messages to which I did not respond. And today:

hey stranger… hope things are well and you’re surviving this winter! wondering if you’d like to go out with me and a girl I met here on OKC?

No!! NO! I don’t want to speak to you let alone get sucked into you weird group sex life.

So between this and yesterday’s post, my question: is online dating this weird for guys too? Yes, it’s an inherently weird endeavor, but I just can’t imagine guys getting the same low-level harassment from girls. Even the guys who “aren’t creepy” use it to their advantage by promising not to be creepy since they “know how tough it is for girls on here.” (Unfortunately this medium also brings out guys with the worst social skills.) The only time I get feministy is when dealing with this, but where else can I go for love?!

 

Sundays with OkCupid

  • Harassed if you do, harassed if you don’t….
    [From a guy 12 years older and 304 miles away]
    Hey there 😉 so i won’t waste your time and I will be honest. I am a sweet, fun and down to earth guy. I think we have a good bit in common and would get along nicely. So it wouldn’t hurt for you to message me and see where goes. So if you like what you see message me;)
    Your very pretty :). So what are you looking for
    You like Italians ;)???
    [after 3 no responses he’s not deterred, so:]
    Me: …no
    Him: Ok then well i tried. Considerably your loss
    Me: I’ll just comfort myself with my ability to spell things correctly
    Him: WOW Get over yourself
     
    Him: No wonder your single
    Obviously I’m the one with something wrong…
    Honestly is definitely not the best policy in this situation…
    While all of this sounds great it comes with a catch. To be perfectly honest — despite all of the above I feel like I’m a bit of train wreck right now. I’ve been divorced for about two years and and have kind of let myself go — both physically and when it comes to my social life — and have become pretty kind of down about it at times. Rather than go out and do things I’ve been hibernating at home all winter which has only made things worse.
    …um no thanks
    Again, I’m the weirdo…
    [After 3 ignored messages]
    I know I know. Im married. Guess u dont like bad boys
    Me: Cheating on your wife doesn’t equal bad boy, it equals asshole.
    Him: True that. Thanks for the reminder.
    As much as I liked married Catholic “sexy” cops from other states, I think I dodged a bullet there.

 

I Don’t Want to Be Alone Forever But…

More and more as I’m on dates, there’s a part of me that thinks “I’d just assume be doing this alone.” The date gets me out of the house but probability says it’s not going to work out. And somehow I’m constantly surprised by the ways in which it won’t work out. Options for red flags are never ending.

Tonight:

Started out great! He was interested in an outing that I hadn’t gotten any friends to agree to. We met up and he was cute and smelled good (an underrated bonus) and conversation was flowing, even though he was allergic to the sun*, my most beloved companion. Unfortunately it flowed right into whether or not it was appropriate to use certain derogatory terms that were ok 20 years ago. He felt it was ok and explained that opinion in a way I understood, until he kept saying the words over and over.

Guys: as a rule, don’t use any potentially offensive words until date 2.

Next taboo topic was religion, another thing he had very strong, repetitive ideas on, many of which happened to attack my own beliefs.

Guys: don’t criticize religion or any other major beliefs until you know your date’s stance.

These things were in the back of my head but otherwise it was all continuing to go well. Then it came time to get another drink and he started saying things like “hey, I’m going to get a drink, but don’t feel like you have to stay.”

What?

I guess since we weren’t somewhere like dinner with a definitive end point this was reasonable?

Anyway, we hung out until after 12, at which point I decided to go home (which I had foreshadowed since I had to work the next day). So we go out to get cabs and he hangs back. “Oh I’ve been texting some friends to meet up so they’re going to come get me.”

Dude, have the decency to pretend you didn’t spend the night working on backup plans to me.

As I often do after weird dates like this, I feel even more confident in my awesomeness (I’m good at conversation! I have varied, unusual interests! I’m fun!) and even more sad there’s no one to match my awesomeness.

*When I hear something that will 100% not mesh with my lifestyle, like not liking the sun, my instinct is to rationalize why it won’t be a problem. The question is, should I be compromising more on things like this? And is that why I haven’t found anyone? Or is it bs to need to change my life to accommodate someone else. How does anyone survive in a couple with anyone else?!

Ghosting Follow Up

Can I reply to my own blog post? I should figure that out. Instead a whole new post as an addendum to my ghosting post.

The main ghoster I was referencing contacted me this weekend. The text?

“How are you! I just saw you on tinder the other day. How’s it going?”

W

T

F

Seriously you just completely stopped responding to me after 8 weeks of continuous talking and trying to hang out (which was generally thwarted by your busy schedule) and you’re texting me about tinder? And you’re going to say out loud that “my buddies made me an account to push me out there… hahaha it’s so funny….”

I responded that it didn’t really seem like he had time to date to which I got another hahaha followed by

“It probably does seem that way given our lack of communication…”

Me: “our?”

Him: “Hahaha. Thats fair…”

So suddenly you have enough free time to ha ha ha it up, learn how to use ellipses, and date.

This guy’s really not an asshole. I think he’s just a p-word and/or clueless, like many guys. And/or I’m so bad at reading guys that I misconstrue things like a month of nightly phone calls as dating. Seriously how does anyone get together ever.