To meet or not to meet

So I met this guy on Tinder, and he seemed delightful. I even asked my friend, what’s secretly wrong with this guy, he seems attractive and nice. Her guess: recently divorced (not accurate). Turns out, the real answer is superjerk.

We started texting to make plans to meet. Tentative plan: Friday night after work. He texts me at 8 to see if I’m still interested and when I texted him back 30 min later (can’t seem too eager!) he said it had gotten too late. Also he wanted me to drive to him, which, seriously?

As we continued chatting after the plans went south, he started to get mean out of nowhere. Like after I asked where he lived he said “Do you live with your parents? I know how [girls like you] are.” Or later when he tried to make fun of where I was hanging out and I said “there are some older people here” he said “Oh I forgot [girls like you] are sensitive and can’t take a joke.” I mean wtf. I wasn’t even being sensitive! It wasn’t like a flirtatious back and forth. I haven’t even met him!

Anyhoo, he wants to hang out again this weekend. I planned to never meet him but now he’s being nicer and what if this is my big chance? Or am I just a glutton for punishment.

What would you do?

Two winners in one week!

A) am I a bad person because I sometimes just mess with dating people for my own amusement?

B) This escalated quickly.

C) Soo I kinda want to see what he meant? My next comment was “seriously?!” and he didn’t respond. $1000 could buy a lot of ice cream. And when I say hook up I mean like make out in the parking lot of a Dave Matthews concert…is that not what it means anymore?
D) Someone said cops hang out on dating sites looking for hookers. Is that true? If it’s true, do they target people whose profile is 3/5 dog pics? I will not be pleased if I made it to my 30s without being arrested and a online hooker sting is what takes me down.

Halfway to Invisible

I don’t even know what to say about this dialogue. Should I have ignored this guy since he was an ass from the get go (even in his profile)? Probably. Did I go out of my way to be kind to him? No. Is it my duty as a women to go out of my way to be kind to every guy who says hi to me through the interwebs? Apparently it is, and the rest of my life will be a struggle because of my refusal to do so.

PS: This guy is 15 years older than me and lives over an hour away.

Him: I would love to talk with you about […] and why you prefer the company of your dog over most people Sent from the OkCupid app June 3

Him: But it looks like you don’t want to…. Which is also ok Sent from the OkCupid app June 3

Me: I just hadn’t gotten a chance to respond, but your impatience makes me lose interest in chatting.

Him: I just noticed that you read and didn’t respond. It was an observation, not impatience. Had it been me, I would have responded “read your message, I’m busy right now but I’ll get back to you soon”. Every body handles things in their own way Sent from the OkCupid app June 3

Me: I’ve just noticed that guys will send a message, check visitors, and if they see I’ve looked but not responded within a few hours they’ll write back something pointed. Maybe I checked at a red light, maybe I checked at work and got called away. Regardless, it’s a turn off to immediately question me like that. Sent from the OkCupid app June 3

Him: People ask questions. Sorry if you’re turned off. That’s an over reaction to me

Him: If you react that harshly over the smallest things…. I can’t imagine how you’d react if something important happened. Sent from the OkCupid app June 4

Me: It happens constantly–as in several times a week–that I get a passive aggressive or aggressive message in this situation, and it shows a level of self absorption I’m not interested in. Sent from the OkCupid app June 4

Him: Sometimes an observation is an observation. And sometimes people just want to close the loop. Sent from the OkCupid app June 4

Me: Ok. I’m going to focus on the beach now. I love the beach. [as a dig at his comment that people shouldn’t put loving the beach in their profiles.]

Him: Can we meet before you go? Sent from the OkCupid app 1:37am

Me: eh

Him: Eh? Sent from the OkCupid app 10:27am

Him: Wth is eh? Sent from the OkCupid app 10:28am

Me: Eh is I’m not interested

Him: Ya know… You could at least be polite, since you’re obviously kindness challenged. But it makes me laugh. Your already halfway to invisible and you’ve learned nothing. I wish you the best. It doesn’t get easier for women like you. Sent from the OkCupid app 11:56am

Me: You’ve questioned me since the very first message you sent, and I have shared that I did not care for your responses. I am not invisible or unkind to the literally dozens of people I encounter each day with whom I actually have relationships. I don’t need to spend my time stroking the ego of strangers on the internet. But thanks for the snap assessment of my entire being. I’m sure you’re a treat in person.

Dear Eharmony:

Are you for real?

He's just outside your match preferences!

He’s just outside your match preferences!

HE LIVES IN WISCONSIN.

It would only cost $474 and/or 11 hours of my life to have our first date.

It would only cost $474 and/or 11 hours of my life to have our first date.

That’s over 674 miles outside my match preferences.

And you know why we’re such a great match? Because we both like sports, and music, and books, and dogs. I bet he also likes breathing and food. (Nothing against you personally, Andrew, I’m sure you’re a swell guy and would make an actual great match for someone within 100 miles of your home.)

The only reason I signed up for eharm was because I saw a great deal during an especially low (aka drunk) point in my evening and thought who can put a price tag on love. I’ve decided it’s not so much the high cost that makes eharm the worst but the love shaming they put you through. I got 10 new matches today; 6 of them are “great matches that happen to be just outside my settings.” Then there’s the “what if” section with more great matches just outside my settings. It should be called the “if you really wanted to find love you’d be less picky” section or the “are you sure you’re really putting yourself out there?” section.

Thanks, but I don’t need the internet to remind me I’m alone along with everyone else.

Closed for Business

Remember the good old days where you’d sign up for a dating profile so a member of the opposite sex could judge you based on appearance alone and then invite you out to buy your own drink and decide if you want to make out with him?

Well, no more. Now you need to also navigate their open relationship with them.

Open relationships are relatively common online (more common that correctly spelling you’re, less common than looking for “a girl who looks great dressed up but can also hang out on the couch lol”).

This is fine.

It is also fine for me to say “no thank you, I don’t want to be involved.”

No, I don’t have any questions about the lifestyle. Really, I’m not curious, and I don’t care that your wife is totally on board. I don’t want to know how it works for you two, or how fulfilled I’d be.

It’s great that you’re happy, but it doesn’t require a dissertation. You’re trying to bone two people. The end.

I can barely find time for my naps and snacks in the same afternoon, I’m not trying to navigate you and your wife.

HELP

GUYS MY OKCUPID ISN’T WORKING!! I HAVEN’T HAD A VISITOR SINCE MARCH 18! EVERY SECOND THAT PASSES IS A MISSED CHANCE AT LOVE!

seriously though wth.

I emailed them with no response yet. And I swear I’m not just being conceited assuming it’s impossible 10 days passed without someone visiting me–my friend searched and couldn’t find me.

Granted I haven’t gone out with anyone from okc in 6+ months, but I just tweaked my profile and really thought the tide would turn! What do I do! How will love find me!?

Post Date Update:

He wants to go out again. Of course.

I’ve gotten away with avoidance the past several times, but I had a feeling this one would stick. (The last date made clear that scheduling’s NBD, there’s plenty of girls online and girls have lots to do. If they want to meet up later or not at all, whatevs!)

I’m going away for a week and am hoping that takes care of it, but if not…what do I do? I think this is one where I have to be honest. Or do I give it another try with him? (I did that with a guy in the fall. The first date was AWFUL but he gave such good text I got sucked back in. Still awful, and this time so bad he got the hint.)

Does my desire to treat others as I wish to be treated outweigh my desire to avoid awkwardness? What do normal people do in this situation?

Post-Date. Spoiler Alert–it stunk.

I got there early –which never happens– and struck up a conversation with a nice couple at the bar.

“Hey going out and talking to people is fun after all!” I thought.

And then the date arrived, sidling up behind me. I immediately wished there was a way to keep hanging out with my new friends instead of him. He was nice and polite. And boring. So soboring.

Some of our conversations included “I gave up soda completely because it’s terrible for you” and “In case you haven’t guessed, I don’t dance.” Also, my favorite, “I can’t parallel park. I live in the city but I’m afraid of bumping someone and them getting mad.”

At that point, everything became a dealbreaker. You’re not hungry. Done. My whiskey drink is too strong for you? Done. You don’t let me get in the cab first? Goodbye.  (NB: He did pay for the bill, which is rare these days and a huge plus.)

Seriously, the boring dates are worse than the comically bad ones.

I’m starting to think I just really need to date older guys. Scarily enough, 27/28 is considerably younger than me anyway at this point. Since I’m exclusively finding guys online, and the clock is ticking, I hate to make strict restrictions like that, but I’m sorry…an IT guy in his 20s isn’t gonna do it for me. I need an imposing figure with a big personality who’s going to take control. I’ve been single and independent way too long to deal with someone wishy washy. I know what kind of interactions I want, and anyone remotely milquetoast has no chance.

So, conclusions/observations: younger guys aren’t confident enough yet and therefore intimidated by me? millennials are weenies? Hanging out with myself is more fun than hanging out with anyone else? What do my readers think?