Dating for the fashion ops

I want to be a person that goes on spring brunch dates in this coat.

http://www.modcloth.com/shop/coats/melodic-morning-coat-in-dots

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Remember the good old days where you’d sign up for a dating profile so a member of the opposite sex could judge you based on appearance alone and then invite you out to buy your own drink and decide if you want to make out with him?

Well, no more. Now you need to also navigate their open relationship with them.

Open relationships are relatively common online (more common that correctly spelling you’re, less common than looking for “a girl who looks great dressed up but can also hang out on the couch lol”).

This is fine.

It is also fine for me to say “no thank you, I don’t want to be involved.”

No, I don’t have any questions about the lifestyle. Really, I’m not curious, and I don’t care that your wife is totally on board. I don’t want to know how it works for you two, or how fulfilled I’d be.

It’s great that you’re happy, but it doesn’t require a dissertation. You’re trying to bone two people. The end.

I can barely find time for my naps and snacks in the same afternoon, I’m not trying to navigate you and your wife.

HELP

GUYS MY OKCUPID ISN’T WORKING!! I HAVEN’T HAD A VISITOR SINCE MARCH 18! EVERY SECOND THAT PASSES IS A MISSED CHANCE AT LOVE!

seriously though wth.

I emailed them with no response yet. And I swear I’m not just being conceited assuming it’s impossible 10 days passed without someone visiting me–my friend searched and couldn’t find me.

Granted I haven’t gone out with anyone from okc in 6+ months, but I just tweaked my profile and really thought the tide would turn! What do I do! How will love find me!?

Post Date Update:

He wants to go out again. Of course.

I’ve gotten away with avoidance the past several times, but I had a feeling this one would stick. (The last date made clear that scheduling’s NBD, there’s plenty of girls online and girls have lots to do. If they want to meet up later or not at all, whatevs!)

I’m going away for a week and am hoping that takes care of it, but if not…what do I do? I think this is one where I have to be honest. Or do I give it another try with him? (I did that with a guy in the fall. The first date was AWFUL but he gave such good text I got sucked back in. Still awful, and this time so bad he got the hint.)

Does my desire to treat others as I wish to be treated outweigh my desire to avoid awkwardness? What do normal people do in this situation?

Post-Date. Spoiler Alert–it stunk.

I got there early –which never happens– and struck up a conversation with a nice couple at the bar.

“Hey going out and talking to people is fun after all!” I thought.

And then the date arrived, sidling up behind me. I immediately wished there was a way to keep hanging out with my new friends instead of him. He was nice and polite. And boring. So soboring.

Some of our conversations included “I gave up soda completely because it’s terrible for you” and “In case you haven’t guessed, I don’t dance.” Also, my favorite, “I can’t parallel park. I live in the city but I’m afraid of bumping someone and them getting mad.”

At that point, everything became a dealbreaker. You’re not hungry. Done. My whiskey drink is too strong for you? Done. You don’t let me get in the cab first? Goodbye.  (NB: He did pay for the bill, which is rare these days and a huge plus.)

Seriously, the boring dates are worse than the comically bad ones.

I’m starting to think I just really need to date older guys. Scarily enough, 27/28 is considerably younger than me anyway at this point. Since I’m exclusively finding guys online, and the clock is ticking, I hate to make strict restrictions like that, but I’m sorry…an IT guy in his 20s isn’t gonna do it for me. I need an imposing figure with a big personality who’s going to take control. I’ve been single and independent way too long to deal with someone wishy washy. I know what kind of interactions I want, and anyone remotely milquetoast has no chance.

So, conclusions/observations: younger guys aren’t confident enough yet and therefore intimidated by me? millennials are weenies? Hanging out with myself is more fun than hanging out with anyone else? What do my readers think?

Pre Date

Date night y’all!

(why do I keep saying y’all. i’m not from the south. too much FNL)

Obviously I don’t want to go. There is netflix to watch. But it’s “something to do” and “good to get out.” I can’t really tell if this guy is cute but I anticipate from the pics that he’s scrawny but maybe fun.

Still, it is fun to get dressed up and all. And there have been good first dates…the bad ones just stand out so much more.

Post date report tomorrow!

A Monday OKC treat

This guy has been creepily messaging me on and off for a year. I believe we sent a few messages but never made plans to go out, and then it started to get weird, like if I disabled my account then came back, within minutes I’d have a “hey you’re back!” message from him. [Also, he requests people under 4’9″ not message him. Is there really that much of a issue with very short people contacting you that you need to explicitly discourage them?]

He’s continued to come and go with different profile names every few weeks sending equally creepy and over-familiar messages to which I did not respond. And today:

hey stranger… hope things are well and you’re surviving this winter! wondering if you’d like to go out with me and a girl I met here on OKC?

No!! NO! I don’t want to speak to you let alone get sucked into you weird group sex life.

So between this and yesterday’s post, my question: is online dating this weird for guys too? Yes, it’s an inherently weird endeavor, but I just can’t imagine guys getting the same low-level harassment from girls. Even the guys who “aren’t creepy” use it to their advantage by promising not to be creepy since they “know how tough it is for girls on here.” (Unfortunately this medium also brings out guys with the worst social skills.) The only time I get feministy is when dealing with this, but where else can I go for love?!

 

Sundays with OkCupid

  • Harassed if you do, harassed if you don’t….
    [From a guy 12 years older and 304 miles away]
    Hey there 😉 so i won’t waste your time and I will be honest. I am a sweet, fun and down to earth guy. I think we have a good bit in common and would get along nicely. So it wouldn’t hurt for you to message me and see where goes. So if you like what you see message me;)
    Your very pretty :). So what are you looking for
    You like Italians ;)???
    [after 3 no responses he’s not deterred, so:]
    Me: …no
    Him: Ok then well i tried. Considerably your loss
    Me: I’ll just comfort myself with my ability to spell things correctly
    Him: WOW Get over yourself
     
    Him: No wonder your single
    Obviously I’m the one with something wrong…
    Honestly is definitely not the best policy in this situation…
    While all of this sounds great it comes with a catch. To be perfectly honest — despite all of the above I feel like I’m a bit of train wreck right now. I’ve been divorced for about two years and and have kind of let myself go — both physically and when it comes to my social life — and have become pretty kind of down about it at times. Rather than go out and do things I’ve been hibernating at home all winter which has only made things worse.
    …um no thanks
    Again, I’m the weirdo…
    [After 3 ignored messages]
    I know I know. Im married. Guess u dont like bad boys
    Me: Cheating on your wife doesn’t equal bad boy, it equals asshole.
    Him: True that. Thanks for the reminder.
    As much as I liked married Catholic “sexy” cops from other states, I think I dodged a bullet there.

 

Valentine’s Day!

This is not a complaining-about-Valentine’s-Day post! This is actually kind of a what happened to Valentine’s Day post. V Day seemed forgotten this year. Maybe because I haven’t been in many schools or stores I didn’t see all the hoopla, but I didn’t hear much about it. I remember being annoyed about Valentine ads right after Christmas, because it was right after Christmas, but not much was discussed this week.

I wonder if there was so much written and tweeted about the depression of being single on Valentine’s Day that there ended up being a backlash?

If so, that’s sad because, if you can turn your focus away from couples making out and people who are so insecure they need to spend hundreds of dollars to eat a marked up dinner to feel loved, it’s such a fun holiday! Everything is glittery and pink! And hearts! And chocolate! And puns!

We should never give up a holiday that offers a chance to tell grandparents, friends, and small children you love them while eating thematically shaped chocolates.

Please enjoy some punny card collections:

Dictator Valentine’s

SVU

Printables! (some)

And a classic: