alone forever

Halfway to Invisible

I don’t even know what to say about this dialogue. Should I have ignored this guy since he was an ass from the get go (even in his profile)? Probably. Did I go out of my way to be kind to him? No. Is it my duty as a women to go out of my way to be kind to every guy who says hi to me through the interwebs? Apparently it is, and the rest of my life will be a struggle because of my refusal to do so.

PS: This guy is 15 years older than me and lives over an hour away.

Him: I would love to talk with you about […] and why you prefer the company of your dog over most people Sent from the OkCupid app June 3

Him: But it looks like you don’t want to…. Which is also ok Sent from the OkCupid app June 3

Me: I just hadn’t gotten a chance to respond, but your impatience makes me lose interest in chatting.

Him: I just noticed that you read and didn’t respond. It was an observation, not impatience. Had it been me, I would have responded “read your message, I’m busy right now but I’ll get back to you soon”. Every body handles things in their own way Sent from the OkCupid app June 3

Me: I’ve just noticed that guys will send a message, check visitors, and if they see I’ve looked but not responded within a few hours they’ll write back something pointed. Maybe I checked at a red light, maybe I checked at work and got called away. Regardless, it’s a turn off to immediately question me like that. Sent from the OkCupid app June 3

Him: People ask questions. Sorry if you’re turned off. That’s an over reaction to me

Him: If you react that harshly over the smallest things…. I can’t imagine how you’d react if something important happened. Sent from the OkCupid app June 4

Me: It happens constantly–as in several times a week–that I get a passive aggressive or aggressive message in this situation, and it shows a level of self absorption I’m not interested in. Sent from the OkCupid app June 4

Him: Sometimes an observation is an observation. And sometimes people just want to close the loop. Sent from the OkCupid app June 4

Me: Ok. I’m going to focus on the beach now. I love the beach. [as a dig at his comment that people shouldn’t put loving the beach in their profiles.]

Him: Can we meet before you go? Sent from the OkCupid app 1:37am

Me: eh

Him: Eh? Sent from the OkCupid app 10:27am

Him: Wth is eh? Sent from the OkCupid app 10:28am

Me: Eh is I’m not interested

Him: Ya know… You could at least be polite, since you’re obviously kindness challenged. But it makes me laugh. Your already halfway to invisible and you’ve learned nothing. I wish you the best. It doesn’t get easier for women like you. Sent from the OkCupid app 11:56am

Me: You’ve questioned me since the very first message you sent, and I have shared that I did not care for your responses. I am not invisible or unkind to the literally dozens of people I encounter each day with whom I actually have relationships. I don’t need to spend my time stroking the ego of strangers on the internet. But thanks for the snap assessment of my entire being. I’m sure you’re a treat in person.

Dear Eharmony:

Are you for real?

He's just outside your match preferences!

He’s just outside your match preferences!

HE LIVES IN WISCONSIN.

It would only cost $474 and/or 11 hours of my life to have our first date.

It would only cost $474 and/or 11 hours of my life to have our first date.

That’s over 674 miles outside my match preferences.

And you know why we’re such a great match? Because we both like sports, and music, and books, and dogs. I bet he also likes breathing and food. (Nothing against you personally, Andrew, I’m sure you’re a swell guy and would make an actual great match for someone within 100 miles of your home.)

The only reason I signed up for eharm was because I saw a great deal during an especially low (aka drunk) point in my evening and thought who can put a price tag on love. I’ve decided it’s not so much the high cost that makes eharm the worst but the love shaming they put you through. I got 10 new matches today; 6 of them are “great matches that happen to be just outside my settings.” Then there’s the “what if” section with more great matches just outside my settings. It should be called the “if you really wanted to find love you’d be less picky” section or the “are you sure you’re really putting yourself out there?” section.

Thanks, but I don’t need the internet to remind me I’m alone along with everyone else.

Bitter or?

There comes a time in every young girl’s life where she has to look herself in the mirror and answer a question. (No, not “do I actually look cool in aviators” or “am I too old to wear this cutout dress”)

Am I getting bitter or are people just terrible?

You may remember my thoughts on bitterness from previous musings such as “I no longer care my friends are pregnant” or “no I don’t want to get in on the gift card to help the person having kids he can’t afford” or even “how dare you not invite me to your child’s 2nd birthday party even though I’ll just complain about being obligated to go.”

Here are a few recent for instances that had me wondering if it’s not me, it’s you:

  • a family of 3 sisters has a combined 11 children under the age of 7ish. They were actually pretty well behaved but still required the collective attention of all 6 parents and all strangers in the rows surrounding then. Why do you have so many children?! You don’t need free labor for a farm!
  • Teenagers. The end.
  • friend’s fb posts increase exponentially now that she has a boyfriend. Stage 1: Oh he seems like a nice guy. Good for her. Stage 2: wow there’s a lot of pics from her now but that’s sweet that they’re taking all these trips. Stage 3: um that’s not a trip, that’s the lobby of your apartment. Stage 4: No, you don’t have to post just one more!! Stage 5: STFU.
  • Engagement photos are dumb
  • YOUR CHILD’S NAME IS NOT A HASHTAG!!!!

I’m super jealous of my parents’/grandparents’ generation. Sure they had to use a phone book and might never get to find out who that guy was in that movie without google, but they only had to deal with other people’s annoying lives once a year in holiday cards. And they could make fun of them at the bar they went out to after they put the kids to bed, because that’s what parents did then. The real good old days.

I took a super sweet nap today. Actually I took two naps, but the first one was more of a going back to bed. The second one was perfect: a cool breeze coming through the window making it just the right temperature to snuggle under the blankets, dog by my side. I even dreamed I met Bette Midler!

I woke up thinking “What a great nap! Life is grand.” Then I glanced out the window and saw my neighbor dressed up and taking out the trash before going out with his wife. And I had a twinge of sadness. Not so much the going out but the someone to make plans with if I did want to go out. Plus someone to take out the trash. But more the someone to make plans with.

Then I thought about the nap again and was content.

But this is a growing concern of mine. I take so much pleasure in my independent joys, I worry I could never really be comfortable and happy sharing life with someone else, yet I’m so lonely so much of the time. (As I may have said before here) the farther I get away from a relationship the harder it will get. I don’t really think I want to live a life of constant low-grade loneliness/increasing social anxiety but what other options do I have? And the naps are so very good…

Closed for Business

Remember the good old days where you’d sign up for a dating profile so a member of the opposite sex could judge you based on appearance alone and then invite you out to buy your own drink and decide if you want to make out with him?

Well, no more. Now you need to also navigate their open relationship with them.

Open relationships are relatively common online (more common that correctly spelling you’re, less common than looking for “a girl who looks great dressed up but can also hang out on the couch lol”).

This is fine.

It is also fine for me to say “no thank you, I don’t want to be involved.”

No, I don’t have any questions about the lifestyle. Really, I’m not curious, and I don’t care that your wife is totally on board. I don’t want to know how it works for you two, or how fulfilled I’d be.

It’s great that you’re happy, but it doesn’t require a dissertation. You’re trying to bone two people. The end.

I can barely find time for my naps and snacks in the same afternoon, I’m not trying to navigate you and your wife.

HELP

GUYS MY OKCUPID ISN’T WORKING!! I HAVEN’T HAD A VISITOR SINCE MARCH 18! EVERY SECOND THAT PASSES IS A MISSED CHANCE AT LOVE!

seriously though wth.

I emailed them with no response yet. And I swear I’m not just being conceited assuming it’s impossible 10 days passed without someone visiting me–my friend searched and couldn’t find me.

Granted I haven’t gone out with anyone from okc in 6+ months, but I just tweaked my profile and really thought the tide would turn! What do I do! How will love find me!?

Post-Date. Spoiler Alert–it stunk.

I got there early –which never happens– and struck up a conversation with a nice couple at the bar.

“Hey going out and talking to people is fun after all!” I thought.

And then the date arrived, sidling up behind me. I immediately wished there was a way to keep hanging out with my new friends instead of him. He was nice and polite. And boring. So soboring.

Some of our conversations included “I gave up soda completely because it’s terrible for you” and “In case you haven’t guessed, I don’t dance.” Also, my favorite, “I can’t parallel park. I live in the city but I’m afraid of bumping someone and them getting mad.”

At that point, everything became a dealbreaker. You’re not hungry. Done. My whiskey drink is too strong for you? Done. You don’t let me get in the cab first? Goodbye.  (NB: He did pay for the bill, which is rare these days and a huge plus.)

Seriously, the boring dates are worse than the comically bad ones.

I’m starting to think I just really need to date older guys. Scarily enough, 27/28 is considerably younger than me anyway at this point. Since I’m exclusively finding guys online, and the clock is ticking, I hate to make strict restrictions like that, but I’m sorry…an IT guy in his 20s isn’t gonna do it for me. I need an imposing figure with a big personality who’s going to take control. I’ve been single and independent way too long to deal with someone wishy washy. I know what kind of interactions I want, and anyone remotely milquetoast has no chance.

So, conclusions/observations: younger guys aren’t confident enough yet and therefore intimidated by me? millennials are weenies? Hanging out with myself is more fun than hanging out with anyone else? What do my readers think?